Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
