I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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