I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The ass gains better be worth it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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