My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
