I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
