Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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