forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
