I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
