A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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