Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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