At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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