went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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