So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
