Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize