If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
