I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
