watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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