yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize