Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
