i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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