Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
