Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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