go do what you do best...puke behind churches
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
