Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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