I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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