god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
