I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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