Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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