Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
