Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
the raccoons are back...
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