I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
