So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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