He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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