sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
