Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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