This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize