Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
