Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
