Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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