why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
