Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
