You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
