We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
should my penis look like a turkey
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
tell me about the eggs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
