i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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