If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
