just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
