just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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