Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
