The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
