It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
