can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We just shotgunned beers for America
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
