my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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