Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
