i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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