when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
