I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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