Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
