She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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