So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize