Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize