I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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