the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
