Your face is a jimmy john
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
