She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
