If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I AM VODKA MAN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
