We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
