Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
