Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
